


Hold On, I Still Need You

by RegalRayne



Series: Canon-Inspired Fics [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegalRayne/pseuds/RegalRayne
Summary: This what I think might happened behind closed doors.Regina is unable to cope with Robin’s death, only Henry she trusts enough to get close to her. A major RegalBeliever feels.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Henry Mills
Series: Canon-Inspired Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095062
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Hold On, I Still Need You

“Mom.” Her son firmly tugs her hand, but she couldn’t care less.

“Well… Uh, I will be by that tree if you’re looking for me.”

The vulnerable woman stares blankly on the headstone.

**He is gone.**

She had lost him for real this time. No kind of magic could bring him back like once in Camelot. Not even the darkest kind of magic would. Every memory they have made keep replaying in the back of her mind, seems to mock the state of her being right now. She pinches her upper arm tightly, hoping this was all just a dream and she will soon wake up. But it isn’t. Her arm twinges. Everything before her is real.

A wave of pain strikes back. The emotions overwhelm her. The pain in her chest is getting worse every time she takes a breath. She grips her chest as if it could help to ease the pain. He isn’t here to ease her pain like it used to. _He will never be_. Seems like life will always rip her happiness away.

He was her light. Her north star. Her lighthouse. What would life be without him?

The pain becomes more real, her legs starting to go feeble. The Mayor finally let her walls down. She drops to the ground, grasping on the soil beneath her.

“I got you, Mom.” Her son wraps his arms around her. There is no one around but her and Henry–her son–and so she wails. She is not the Regina Mills everyone knew at the moment. She had lost love before, but why this one hurts even more? Was this like a curse, always losing someone dear to her heart?

She sobs for heaven knows how long until her breath became more stable.

“Everyone in Granny’s are waiting for us. They’re honoring Robin and the service won’t start until we arrive.” Henry said carefully. “But you don’t have to, Mom. We’ll get you home if you don’t feel like it. I know everyone will understand.”

Regina stared into her lover’s headstone once more. She is not ready to meet anyone except her little prince. She is not going to sit there to be a broken-hearted widow, accepting everyone’s condolences. No one should ever see _this_ side of her.

_What should I do, Robin?_

It was a long stop before she says: “Come on, Henry. We shouldn’t keep those people waiting. I want to be there for Roland.”

 **Roland**. How is the boy feeling right now? He had lost his Mama and now he lost his Papa. He lost both of them because of Regina. Robin promised to never get in her way, that was the only time he got in her way and cost him his life. Regina couldn’t help but to feel guilty.

If they hadn’t fall in love in the first place.

* * *

It has been weeks since Robin passed away.

The town is functioning as usual, but not Regina. She hasn’t found the courage to step into the town hall where it all happened. The pain is still too visible for her. For weeks, no one could ever talk to her except Henry and Roland. Snow is getting extremely anxious about her well-being yet there is nothing anyone could do. She keeps on looking after her stepmother via Henry. She once tried to give a hope speech and it was no use. Regina ended up shouting angrily at her face, telling her to stop being so hopeful because it pains her.

Regina never did day drinking, not even once–until today. There she is, sitting on the kitchen floor with a glass of whiskey in her hand. It was his favorite. Her mascara is smudged, her lipstick smeared all over her lips. Regina still unable to function. She had lost count on her drinks and she doesn’t give a damn about it.

Then her body starts to refuse. She gets up, makes a dart to the bathroom and quickly bends over the toilet bowl. Regina never threw up, she is always been a responsible drinker.

Opening the fridge, Regina pulls out a bottle of water and chugs them down. It hits her. She realized she was too vulnerable. She is malfunctioning.

“Mom, hey.” Henry’s voice wakes her up. There’s a pounding in her head. Regina had no idea when did she fall asleep.

 **I’m sorry.** Is the only phrase that came out from her mouth. Henry helps her up, carrying his sobbing mom back to her room. Henry happily helps her mom clean up and tuck her into bed. Regina cries her heart out. Ashamed. Ashamed that her son has to see her like this. Ashamed for she couldn’t give him the best example to overcome a grieve. Regina lost grips of herself, that humiliate her most.

“I’ll be right next door if you need me, okay?” Henry kisses the top of her head, pulling the blanket up to her shoulder.

“The scarf.”

Henry easily understands. It has become Regina’s habit; hugging any of Robin’s belongings, to relish on his scents and sometimes cried herself to sleep. It is just the way she copes with reality. Above all things, his scarf is her most favorite. It gives her a sense of safety–one thing Robin could and _would_ always provide.

* * *

Henry is being awoken by a whimper.

He gets up, knowing that could be Roland having a nightmare. Ever since Robin’s death, Roland is always under Regina’s wings. She had made a promise to protect Roland. To never let him forgets about his wonderful Papa.

Henry walks down the hall, only to find Roland is still fast asleep. He smiles as he puts back Roland’s stuffed monkey back into his tiny arms. It wasn’t his.

The whimpers must be coming from another end of the hall. It must be Mom’s.

Truth to be told, Henry hates to see his mom like this. Robin’s death really shook her soul. It is her soul that has been broken. Henry hates to hear his mom being the talk of the town. He always overheard people talking things behind her back. They always talked about Regina’s inability to overcome **_his_** death. He once bursts out in anger, knowing people had no respect to their mayor, to their queen. He was mad. Everyone has their own way on dealing with sadness and perhaps his mother could not take it well.

Henry actually feels sorry for her. This is not the Mom he knew. Regina Mills does not break down easily. Regina Mills is too proud to let anyone know what lies inside her heart. Regina Mills is sassy. Regina Mills always put a mask on. But _this_ , this ruins her. Henry wishes he could do anything to bring her back, but it is hard. Regina Mills had closed every door, every window.

Henry promises to himself, to be by her side through these hard times. She is the first person who loves Henry when no one is. She had provided Henry his best life, he always comes first. Maybe, just maybe, by being by her side and to let her know she is not going through everything alone, Henry could help her move on.

Henry slowly approaches his mom who is tossing and turning in her sleep. He gently taps on her shoulder, trying to wake her up. She was drenched in sweat, looking helpless as ever. His mom wakes up in tears, shouting one name she misses most.

“Mom, Mom. Look at me.” Henry cups her cheeks; forcing her to look straight into his eyes.

“Hades was here.” Tears come streaming down her face. Hollowness fill her eyes. It just feels like it is not hers.

“It’s just a nightmare. You’re safe now, it’s okay.”

“Hades…” Her voice trails off. Seeing Regina like this is hard on Henry. Tears start prickling his eyes.

“He’s gone, Mom. Don’t worry. I got you.” He enveloped her shaking figure into his embrace. Henry gives comforting pats on her back.

Regina clutches on Robin’s scarf tighter. She needs him. She longs for him.

“It’s my fault, Henry.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“I lost him because he loves me. **Because I love him**.”

Henry knows best. He will let her rant, if it is what she needs.

“He said I was his future. But what would our future be if he isn’t here with me? I’m scared, Henry. I just can’t shake the image of him. I was there, saw his soul left his body. It keeps replaying in my mind, every single day. Feels like I’m dancing with his ghost every night.

“I thought what we had was forever. Being there with you, Roland, and…” Her sobs become harder. She had no power left to says his name. “And _him_ , is the closest thing I’ve ever been to happiness. You know I fought so hard to be happy. You know better than anyone else. It hurts, Henry. How can I continue on living when a part of me is gone?”

“You’re not alone, Mom. You will always have me. Forever.” He draws small circles on her back, hoping it could soothe her.

“I’m sorry, my little prince. I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”

Henry nods. He only cradled his mother closer in response.

“If I knew that was our last time, I could’ve said goodbye. I could’ve kissed him longer. I could’ve told him how much he means to me. I could’ve…”

“Mom… I know Robin is looking at us from up above. He’s watching us. Where ever he is.”

“He is nowhere, Henry. His soul was obliterated. Hades destroyed his soul.” Regina finally revealed. She had been keeping this from everyone, so this is new to Henry.

“I’m here if you need a friend, Mom. I’m always here. You can always share everything with me.” Henry releases his mom, now she is leaning on him.

“How are you feeling? Please tell me.”

“Exhausted. I’ve never slept well since that day. I hate to admit this, but I blame Zelena for what happened. I trusted her.” She paused. “I’m also still not over the fact that… that Emma gets what she wants. Maybe it was on me. A curse of a villain and I’m used to it.” 

“You don’t have to go through this alone. You’re my Mom. And you’re far from a villain.”

“I don’t know. It’s just… I– I don’t know how to keep on living.”

“You have to keep on living, Mom. I need you. Roland needs you, more than anyone else.” Henry has tried his best not to shed a single tear. “That’s the least you can do. Robin wouldn’t want to see you like this. He hates to see you cry. He needs you to move on.”

“I’ll never love again, Henry. I couldn’t.”

“Moving on doesn’t always mean to find someone new. Sometimes, moving on means to gather your pieces back together. To continue on going. It’s not easy, not even a bit. That’s why I’m here for you. We can get through this, together. He wants to see you happy, more than anything. Help him to rest easy.”

Regina let the words sink deep into her heart. She has been taking things to deep, that definitely hurts Robin–wherever he is right now. Henry is right. Robin would never want to see her like this. This is not the heroine woman he fell in love with.

“Robin is giving up everything for you, for the person he loved. Don’t make his sacrifices go to waste, Mom. He gave his life, so you can keep on living. Robin will always be here with us. He is forever in our heart _. **If you can’t continue your life for me, do it for him**_. For Roland. He needs you to remind him how amazing his father was. He needs to see it through your eyes, a woman he loved until the end.”

For the first time that feels like forever, she finally cracks her most genuine smile. He rocks her gently as a way to remind her everything is going to be alright. Henry’s words lull her into slumber. Henry is at ease to see a smile plastered in her face as she sleeps. This is the most peaceful sleep Henry has seen his mom these past weeks.

“ **I love you, Mom**.”

He slips out of her bed, kissing her forehead sweetly. Henry finally breathe a sigh of relief. This is going to be a good sign. He knows everything will be better from this moment on. Mom will be able to get back on her feet. Regina Mills soon will be back, even stronger than ever. Things will pass, she will get out of this mess. She will and he believes.


End file.
